Secrets of the True Manhattanite

11.9

We stare at planes up in the sky above for seven seconds wwondering why its not moving until we realize it’s a star. Oh.

7.27

You can wear the most absurd, outlandish outfit your little hear desires and prance down our streets with hardly any attention. We’re used to crazy, ugly ensembles. But walk down the street with a glass vase of flowers and you’ll get more stares than a super model. We’re not used to seeing a tangible manifestation of kindness on our crowded slabs of concrete. We can’t help but wonder: Was there an engagement? Are you pregnant? Is it your birthday? Did something really bad happen when your boyfriend went to that bachelor’s party last weekend?

7.7

You force yourself to “be active” and take advantage of the city during a heat wave, we know better than to waste time and effort trekking around the city to pointless antique fairs or food festivals. Hellloooo tabloids and bubble baths.

Yeah, that looks fun.

6.27

[Any other city] $$$$=$$ [New York City]

grilledjean asked: How long have you been living in manhattan? your blog is funny and i love it

Thanks! Glad to hear someone actually reads this thing.

And my whole life, obviously :)

P.s. a lot of it is tongue in cheek and intentionally snarky, i’m not really a royal jerk. where are you from?

6.18

There are many bridges in this city. However, it’s best if you leave your questions about which one is for what and navigating for others, as we don’t own cars within which we drive upon said bridges. Ditto for tunnels. And whatever that FDR thing is. Highway? Yeah.

6.1

We come to your city and you boast that this one restaurant “stays open until 10pm.” We’re open 24 hours, have you heard?

5.21

LOL @ other skylines.

4.16

Nothing signals the start of warm weather like the yellow-shirted bouncer standing guard outside The Frying Pan.

4.14

Come on, boys. Don’t try to hide it. We know you’re standing there awkwardly by  Otto’s or August reading the menu tacked up outside the restaurant to help you try and figure out if it’d make for a good date spot.

4.12

We can’t vote in We Hear You America - America’s Most Interesting Town and win a $1,000 for nominating Manhattan. Unfortunately, our little isle doesn’t exactly qualify.

That shouldn’t stop you—vote for your hometown now and show your hometown pride!