Just because we’re from Manhattan, doesn’t mean we like “That Manhattan thing.”
“…but within the year we moved to New York —which is to monogamy what the channel changer is to linear narrative.” —Jay McInerney, Model Behavior
The first three times we read that as “…but within the year we moved to New York —which is to monotony what the channel changer is to linear narrative.”
And we agree.
Your city’s museum of sex is that creepy dungeon like basement of that former pedophile on the outskirts of town.
Our city’s museum of sex is a multimillion dollar business.
Times Square Red Lobster, what?
Isn’t Red Lobster just a chain in West Palm Beach or something?
What’s the quickest way to spell Jersey Shore? P-A-C-H-A.
It wasn’t cool when we were sophomores in high school, and it certainly doesn’t impress us when you name drop it seven years later.
The United States of America is composed of two main geographic states:
2) Everything else.
We’re eternally grateful to hail from the former.
We think it’s funny that the ratio at LAVO of bouncers to people who aren’t total trailer trash who have fucked the bouncers and can conveniently skip the line or greased up kids with white hair at the age of 26 who used to be friends with Eric Trump is 5 to 1.
Please, dearest bouncers with your unnecessary headsets for a half empty club, get over yourselves.
Complete this sentence: “I’m waiting __ line.”
on line? you’re a new yorker. in line? you ain’t.
No does not always means no. Especially on Wednesday at 10:30pm when “no” typically means give me another shot and I’ll likely wind up staying out until 3am and I’ll worry about regretting it in the morning.
Please do not apologize to us when you step backwards onto a sidewalk and onto our foot on the street corner and pat us on the back. It’ll only piss us off more.
Anybody who tells you “America’s REAL fireworks start now“ in reference to Boston’s a) has no idea what they are talking about and B) is not to be trusted. Nothing beats Macy’s Fireworks. Nothing.
One thing, however, that does beat these fireworks, is being able to have access to your apartment building on the 4th. Les sighs.
We sometimes stay up late at night thinking about just how much we could charge someone for our 212 or 917 area codes. Then we snap out of it and realize we’d sooner live without a cell phone than have to hand people a business card or give someone our number at our bar and start with “203” “973” or “201.”